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06 November 2013 @ 09:59 pm
Wishing for death  
Hello Diary,
I haven't wrote to you in a long time. Let's just say I had been in a a good mood, but as soon as my fourth year in pharmacy had started, I've been feeling awefully down. I do not think it comes with the season, as I don't really mind the cold weather or the rather gloomy days... I'm just so stressed. Lately, I've been wanting to die, wanting to be diagnosed with a disease that would kill me, or just make me disabled for a while.... I've been wanting to be in a car accident, falling of the train trails in the subway... Gosh, you can't imagine how I've been trying to run away from everything... I can't keep up. I want to stand still, but the world keeps advancing and pushing me foward, but all I want is to stand still. I don't care about the future anymore... I do not wish for it anymore... All I want it to lay on my bed and sleep, sleep, sleep.... I don't know if I'm developping anxiety, but I've been having palpitation and trouble breathing lately... No, I do not think it's the flu... I'm not sure what to do... I'd like to stop but I can't.